Let's be honest about pediatric nursing for a moment; sick kids make people sad. In general, I'd say that's true.
I hear all the time, "oh, I could never do what you do". And I smile and reply politely, "well, I can't see myself not doing it", or something of the like. And, in general, for those of us who do work with sick kids, it's true. We love it, wouldn't be there if we didn't.
The good moments often outweigh the bad. And the sad times, we usually leave at the hospital. Don't get me wrong, every sad story affects us, teaches us, moves us. But the fact of the matter is, every day is the worst day of someone's life. It can't always be the worst of ours. It just can't.
So we leave it there... When we can. So here comes the honesty: sometimes we can't. At least, sometimes I can't. Sometimes the sorrow, the pain, the agony, the hatred seeps in and I struggle. And as I struggle, I find myself asking, where was He? Where was He when that little girl was hurt? Where was He when that baby died? Where was He when that mother lost her son?
And on those days, I love this song. I believe this song:
"Lost, everything is lost
And everything I've loved before is gone
Alone like the coming of the frost
And a cold winter's chill in my stony heart
And where were You when all that I've hoped for?
Where You when all that I've dreamed?
Came crashing down in shambles around me
You were on the cross
Pain, could you take away the pain?
If I find someone to blame, would it make my life seem easier?
Alone, all my friends are asleep
And I can't find anyone to stay awake with me
Where were You when sin stole my innocence?
Where were You when I was ashamed?
Hiding in a life, I wish, I never made
You were on the crss, my G, my G, all along, all along
You were on the crss, You died for us, all along, all along
You were on the crss, victorious, all along, all along
You were there in all of my suffering
And You were there in doubt and in fear
I'm waiting on the dawn to reappear"
And so, honestly, sometimes I struggle. Do you?
And, honestly, sometimes we can't do what we do either. Sometimes we're just waiting...like so many others. Waiting on the dawn to reappear.